"Sandwich Man" Strikes! Assault With a Deli Weapon!
The following post by Steven Hayward, a man of great genius and obvious wit, struck me as one of those pieces so deliciously hilarious it had to be passed on in its entirety! I hope you enjoy it as much as we did. Little Pajama Boy has grown up and launched a criminal career and is headed for the hoosegow!
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Behold the Latest Leftist Hero/Martyr: Sandwich Man!
It seems Pajama Boy grew up?
Aug 19
The following is adapted from remarks at “Ammo Grrrl’s” annual CommenterCon gathering this week in rural Minnesota.
Not long ago in this space we speculated about whether leftism is both a mental illness and a philosophical defect. But it is hard to dismiss the possibility of pure farce.
Last week Kipling’s Gods of the Copybook Headings came to our rescue with the latest example of liberal craziness: move over hero/martyr Luigi Mangione; forget about street corner protestors with sandwich boards: Behold Sandwich Man!
I am sure most readers saw the story of the protestor who threw a Subway sandwich at a law enforcement officer in Washington DC after President Trump declared martial law sent in National Guard troops to curtail out-of-control crime and disorder in our nation’s capital (entirely constitutional since DC is a federal territory and not a sovereign entity).
I think it was Abe Greenwald of Commentary who first speculated that the perp is likely Pajama Boy all grown up. Remember him? Just in case:
Who can forget this perfect embodiment of the Obama era (along with “Life of Julia,” now strangely scrubbed from the internet)
I'm sure you're all familiar with the old cliche that any prosecutor worth his salt can get a grand jury to indict a ham sandwich. Now Washington DC, which never lacks for new crimes, has up with a whole new category of crime: assault with a deli weapon.
It is still a somewhat sticky bun situation, though; we need more facts. Was it a six-inch Subway, or a foot-long? Surely the latter will be a felony, while the former will be a simple misdemeanor. Still, I wouldn't want to be sitting on the bench in the hoosegow and having to answer the question, "Hey dude: I'm doing a dime for murder and assault; you?" "I hurled a hoagie at a cop."
Sandwich control can't be long in coming. We’re going to have Class III Hoagies and grinders, and before long some vegan/tofu sandwich joint will invent the “anti-hero sandwich.” Mayo and other inferior condiments will require sentencing enhancements. Otherwise, I fear juries may go easy on the grinder gangsters.
I have a hunch that we'll find out Sandwich Man tossed a veggie sandwich, on a gluten-free bun. Hardly a threat to anyone. The true assault sandwich—yes, we're going from sub-machine guns to sub sandwiches—will contain piles of calabrese salami, black forest ham (because the black forest is in Germany), pepper jack cheese, bright yellow peppers, hot mustard with agent orange.
And maybe we should have some sympathy for the guy. I suspect this may be another outrageous example of insensitive misgendering. If you saw the video it is clear the guy throws like a girl. The officer probably misgendered him, and said "nice of you to make that sandwich for me, like chicks are supposed to do." And it was on.
The only thing that will make this story any better is if Sydney Sweeney launches an ad campaign for Subway or Jimmy Johns tomorrow.